I may have taken this saying too literally. I like to listen and ask questions but I’m not much for sharing my innermost feelings. I’m okay talking about funny experiences or weird things that happened to me but I struggle with telling people what’s really going on inside my head. I guess I’m a little afraid to open up that can of worms, there’s just so much going on in there it might scare everybody. My mind thinks so fast and so strenuously that I don’t sleep well at all. I never found a good way to shut down my brain at night. I think I may donate my brain to some research study after I’m gone just to see if anybody else can figure me out.
It’s not like ADHD either, I can stay focused on one thing for hours and work out all kinds of minute details. Right now I’m struggling with the problem of a career as a writer. I have been reading everything I can find on successful blogging. Short of having an enormous number of regular readers and selling advertising there doesn’t seem to be any way to monetize all my efforts. However, my brain just won’t let go of the notion and it forces me to keep writing just to let off some of the steam that builds up each day. I guess that’s what a creative mind does when it’s unleashed. I have a huge amount of words waiting to be used because I have always held my thoughts inside. Sometimes it feels like there is a war going on in my head because I get ridiculously bad headaches that last all day and no medication seems to have any effect. I wish I knew what to do but I don’t.
One of my friends has suggested that I need to tell my closest friends what is really going on so they can help me. I don’t even know where to begin or how to ask for help. On some level I think asking for help would be like giving up and I hate that thought. I have always believed that God has a plan and it’s up to me to have faith in that. I have held on to that belief for so long now that I really am at the end of my rope. Writing this blog is just about the only thing I look forward to these days other than my family and friends. I know I’m lousy at talking about myself but at least I have an outlet in my writing. Making other people smile has always been my best thing even when I wasn’t happy myself. Laughter is like the best painkiller ever for me.
Now you all know why I write such funny stuff. It’s purely selfish and I need all the humor I can get right now just to keep going. If you want to help me find my way just keep reading and tell everyone you know who might appreciate my style. I may eventually have to sell my soul to some corporate blogging enterprise, just to make a living, but in the mean time you’re going to get my best thoughts and most creative story telling. I only hope that some how, some way this blog will be enough. I really don’t know if I can improve the silence but at least I’m going to try.
©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.