When it comes to sex, I can explain the difference between men and women in two words. Allow me to illustrate. When a man gets married he’s thinking, “This will be great, I can have sex whenever I want to.” When a woman gets married she’s thinking, “This will be great, I can have sex only when I want to.” Therein lies the problem.
The battle of the bedroom never ends for most couples. It’s great when you’re first married because it’s all new and exciting and everything still works well. After that first kid arrives, making love becomes a poor step-child. It’s just really difficult to stay in the moment when you hear the little ones throwing up in the next room or even worse, knocking on your door for a glass of water. It’s probably a good thing kids don’t remember much from their toddler years. I sure wouldn’t want to answer questions like, “How do you sleep in that position mommy?” or “What was that noise I heard last night dad?” If anyone has good answers to those, please let me know. The only response I ever had was, “You must have been dreaming.”
As couples get older and the opportunities for passion become less frequent it really takes a toll on the relationship. Women start substituting chocolate and shopping for the pleasures of the flesh. Men just drink more and try to forget what it was like to be with a 20 something. Neither of these approaches works though because chocolate is too good a substitute and beer is a lousy one. There is no effective substitute for sex for men. To a guy, sex is the whole point of being married but to a woman it’s down the priority list after getting the perfect purse on sale at Vera Bradley, having a good hair day, latte’s at Starbucks, lunch at some trendy place on the Plaza or a weekend at some Bed & Breakfast where we can have some quality time together. How many guys have fallen for that proposition? “Oh honey let’s go away this weekend to an old house with gingham table cloths and antique furniture.” When the husband gets there he’s faced with the reality that the bed springs squeak so much there’s no way she’s going to do anything remotely interesting and the TV doesn’t even have ESPN just Lifetime and Oxygen. My wife hasn’t cooked me breakfast in years, so I guess that might be something to look forward to at a B & B.
When you get past 50, like I am, romance is something you only vaguely remember. It doesn’t help that when the opportunity presents itself, around every blue moon, not everything works like it once did. The biggest thrill comes from the danger of that much physical activity. I almost broke my leg once trying to extract myself from the bed while I had a cramp in my leg. I hit the floor hard that night with one foot still on the bed wrapped in sheets and the rest of me upside down on the floor. My wife could only mutter something like, “Are we done yet?”
I can’t wait to turn 60. That should be good for a few laughs. Maybe by then technology will be available to make us able to relive our youth or completely obliterate the urge to have sex. It still sounds like fun and something to look forward to but my patience is wearing thin. It’s pretty sad when you’re watching pro football and thinking, “Those Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders sure can dance.”
©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.