“Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah……didn’t miss the boat.” (Mark Twain)


Mark Twain died 100 years ago today. His books Tom Sawyer and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn were the first books that ever mattered to me as a kid. I wanted to float the Mississippi and explore caves with Jim more than anything. In honor of his literary achievements I have compiled a list of his best quotes, or at least the ones I like the most. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it’s the parts I do understand.

Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on it’s shoes.

Man–a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.

Modesty died when clothes were born.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

It is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

When angry count four. When very angry swear.

The human race consists of the damned and the out-to-be-damned.

Always obey your parents when they are present.

None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Grief can take care of itself but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Be good and you will be lonesome.

You can’t pray a lie.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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2 Responses to “Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that Noah……didn’t miss the boat.” (Mark Twain)

  1. Tom Coward says:

    I know this is an old post, but I love Twain and couldn’t resist. BTW, I always heard the quote about golf attributed to Samuel Johnson.

    • grhgraph says:

      Tom, thanks for the comment. I love Twain too and you may be right about the attribution. There are several quotes I have used that seem to be very similar to other people.
      It sure sounds like Twain though. Always nice to get feedback of any kind for my writing even if this wasn’t my original material.
      Have a nice life.
      Guy Horst

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