“Most women set out to try to change a man and when they have changed him they do not like him.” (Marlene Dietrich)

I give up. Why do women do this so often? Males, age 18-25, are barely above orangutans in evolutionary terms but females hardly ever take this into consideration when contemplating prospective mates. It seems they only care about our potential to become a good husband, provider, father and lifelong soul mate not our limited social skills and mental capacity. Since when did drinking, carousing, swearing and passing out become a good indication of future partner potential? Ladies, this is the most important thing to remember, “What you see, is what you get.”

Young guys can be trained to perform some useful tricks (take out the trash, get the mail, mow the lawn etc.) but it requires more painstaking effort than most women are willing to undertake. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just let us mature naturally? Usually, by age 30, guys have rounded into semi-functional, mostly intelligible creatures who are a vast improvement over their 20 something counterparts or else they’re gay. Either way, at least now you have full disclosure regarding their potential. Waiting that extra 5 years makes all the difference in the world, so what’s your hurry?

Unfortunately, women possess the world’s loudest biological clock which tolls like Big Ben as each birthday passes. They can’t stand the thought of waiting till they’re 30 to settle down and then wait even longer to have kids. So they settle on some poor schmuck who has no relationship skills whatsoever. If you think I’m exaggerating please look at the divorce rate for first time marriages. Relationships are hard and they don’t get easier over time. If the guy you’re dating has trouble remembering to call you within the prescribed period that shows how much he loves you, then I’m pretty sure he may not remember your birthday or anniversary 10 years later. So why do you think this revelation is so shocking? Do you think orangutans remember birthdays?

I didn’t become a father till I was 31 and it’s a good thing. I was not the least bit ready to accept that much responsibility in my 20’s. It probably would have ended badly for all of us and then I would have missed out on the best years of my life. Men are like scotch, the right amount of aging is critical to getting a good one. It takes 8 years of doing nothing to get scotch to taste right. They don’t open the barrel and stir it up either, they leave it alone. Of course, if you can’t wait that long then just grab some no name label and go for it but don’t complain when you end up with a terrible hangover.

Maybe we all need to relax our standards a bit. I mean women aren’t exactly perfect either. I think women have a lot more potential for relationships than men do but women have some really strange expectations when it comes to their significant others. When my wife comes to me with some major crisis and asks for my advice, the last thing she wants is my advice. What she really wants is my empathy. My problem solving skills are of no interest to her but I have to sit and listen and agree with whatever is bothering her. This is the most counter- intuitive process any male can endure.  If our eyes roll back in our heads after 15 minutes and we stop breathing, please get a clue. Empathy in guys is in short supply. After that much time, the sleep mode takes over and we have to be rebooted.

For the most part I have enjoyed being married and raising a family. I have learned to bite my tongue when we argue as a couple. I’m 56 now so that means I’m almost completely out of my adolescence. I hardly ever worry about how much beer is in the fridge or who’s pitching tonight. The NFL draft was last week and I only watched the first round. That’s real progress. In years to come I hope to be able to fold the laundry properly and not weed-eat so many flowers or break so many dishes. Writing this blog has certainly done wonders for my sensitive side. I actually use words like empathy and compassion in complete sentences now. I still struggle to listen attentively when my wife talks but at least I don’t have to imagine her naked just to pass the time. We men really do have a lot of upside potential, women just need to remember, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


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8 Responses to “Most women set out to try to change a man and when they have changed him they do not like him.” (Marlene Dietrich)

  1. Suzanne says:

    Interesting that you talked about this subject. Last night, my husband and I got home to find that our two oldest were fighting / not-speaking to each other. From the story told, we were able to clarify that our daughter knocked over our son’s xbox game and scratched his favorite game, leaving it unplayable. He didn’t come down from his room but texted me because I didn’t give in to his pouting. “Goodnight, I love you, too” it read. After texting my son just feet away from eachother, he finally came out to give us goodnight hugs. He explained that it wasn’t so much the game being ruined but that she didn’t care and didn’t apologize. My husband later said this: He needs to learn that he can’t let Arley do that to him. He needs to stand up to her and not put up with that. I leaned into my husband on the couch…kissed his forehead and softly said “Sweetheart….of course he has to. That is the circle of life”. He, of course, rolled his eyes and stomped his feet and I put me back into my place in the foodchain of mankind. 🙂 Great read, Guy!

  2. Andrea says:

    Women aren’t as evolved as you give us credit for. When we’re in our 20’s/early 30s biologically we’re looking for a man with strength, height, hair, intellect, and ability to provide. Your “potential” is in your sperm — basically women want to have awesome looking smart babies with college funds. Once we’re done with the baby-making our priorities change and we require different things from you (which is when you think we want you to change)…

  3. grhgraph says:

    Thanks for clearing that up for me. Your honesty is appreciated. At least women have some kind of a plan. Men can barely get up to speed with fathering and providing before your needs change again. The constant challenge of trying to figure out your next need is really hard for us. I think this old joke might explain some of this. “Why do men usually die much sooner than their wives? Because they want to.”

  4. David Crawler Gray says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Some of your and my life experiences are so similar it’s scarry. (However we did both start out life in the geographical & social circumstances.) I’m getting to see this stuff played out with my 2 daughters as they shop for boy friends. It’s entertaining. Keep blogging. I’m slow to get to all your stuff but I make it eventually.

    • grhgraph says:

      Our shared experience is why we have been friends so long. Glad you found time to read the blog and follow my warped sense of humor. You should read these next, “Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn”,
      “No on is more helpless than a newborn father” and “Sex without love…” Enjoy.

  5. harrykey says:

    Nicely said… My father used to say that: “A woman gets with a man expecting him to change, but he doesn’t. A man gets with a woman hoping she’ll stay the same, but she’ll change” – thing. Cliches because they’re true. I wrote a advice blog on a similar topic.

    • grhgraph says:

      Thanks for taking the time to comment. I read your blog as well and it seems we share a similar opinion although your’s is a little more explicit. I hope you continue to blog as we need all the common sense we can get these days.

  6. Pingback: 2010 in review « Grhgraph's Blog

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