“Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” (Groucho Marx)

I doubt that anyone who reads this blog regularly will be surprised to hear that I love sarcasm. My first words as a child were probably, “yeah, so what’s your point?” I don’t have any great insight into how this happened but it has become such a huge part of my personality that I couldn’t write this blog without it. It’s most likely a subconscious defense mechanism for the insanity of everyday life. Let’s face it, the world is a strange and absurd place where people do and say some crazy sh*t. As a life long student of human nature and the written word I have encountered many examples of pure sarcasm that serve as my inspiration. Allow me to share my collection of wonderfully sarcastic wit.

“Terrorists hijacked a plane full of lawyers. The terrorists threatened to release one every hour until their demands were met. ” Denis Leary

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. ” Rita Rudner

“I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago…I shot my broker.” Groucho Marx

“I did everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels.” Ginger Rogers

“In Canada a gay marriage is one in which the husband doesn’t watch hockey.” Conan O’Brien

“If brains were lard, Jethro couldn’t grease a pan.” Jed Clampett

“When Sinatra dies they’re giving his zipper to the Smithsonian.” Dean Martin

“Don’t you hate it when you’re shoveling snow and uncover a Jehovah’s Witness?” David Letterman

“I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.” George Carlin

“Doctors are prescribing Prozac for severe PMS. Not in pill form. The husband shoots it into her from fifty feet away with a dart gun.” Jay Leno

“My uncle was the town drunk and we lived in Chicago.” George Gobel

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in bed dying of nothing.” Redd Foxx

“Lord give me chastity, but not yet.” St. Augustine

“I always wanted to get into politics, but I wasn’t light enough to make the team.” Art Buchwald

“I don’t know what people have against the government, they’ve done nothing.” Bob Hope

“Stay away from Ecstasy. It’s a drug so strong it makes white people think they can dance.” Lenny Henry

“I believe in clubs for women, but only if every other form of persuasion fails.” W.C. Field

“The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.” Harlan Ellison

“Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.” John Steinbeck

“My wife is a compulsive shopper. She would buy anything marked down. Once she came home with an escalator.” Henny Youngman

“My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle.” Phyllis Diller

“I’ve had a wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx

“If a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know?” Steven Wright

©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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One Response to “Please accept my resignation. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” (Groucho Marx)

  1. eric moses says:

    i want 2 belong

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