“Talking to a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell but what’s the point?” (Gladys Upham)

My wife thinks I don’t listen to her and she may have a point. I listen but since I don’t care about half the stuff she says, I choose not to respond. In my mind, at least, every random thought does not deserve a response. Right about now I’d say, most of the women who are reading this are feeling pretty insulted by my confession. If you can stand the truth about men, please keep reading.

When the good Lord was handing out character traits for the sexes he saw fit to put male verbal skills way down the list after fish cleaning. God was practical that way. He knew that men were needed mostly for the dirty and dangerous jobs that women would hate doing. On the other hand, he was smart enough to see that a world filled with mostly non-verbal men would be a pretty boring place, so he gave women the gift of gab. Those of you who are familiar with Murphy’s Law must understand, even God could not have foreseen the unintended consequences of this disparity between men and women.

Over time, some men did develop verbal skills but they still didn’t listen. I can imagine Moses and his wife talking about the commandments. She said, ” Get off your butt and finish writing those 100 rules I told you about.” He said, “I think the Top 10 are plenty, the guys won’t remember more than that anyway, so what’s the difference?”

As men continued to develop socially, communication skills were often met with fierce opposition. Jesus Christ came along to spread God’s word and he was crucified for telling the truth. Nostradamus had some pretty bold things to say but he was so intimidated by the Catholic Church that he decided to write everything in an obscure code that few could comprehend.  Abraham Lincoln gave us the Emancipation Proclamation and was promptly assassinated. We men may be a little slower than our female counterparts but we’re not foolish enough to tempt fate by saying too much.

Maybe this is really just a case of semantics. There is a huge difference between what women want and what women need. Men have everything women need but few of us have what women want. Men have strength, courage, a sense of humor and the willingness to run into burning buildings to rescue women and pets. We build things with our hands and we work hard to provide the essentials of life. Unfortunately, what women want is something else entirely. They want to know we care and are there for them, whatever that means. Isn’t it enough that we risked our lives? Do you really want a fireman who just broke down your bedroom door and is trying to carry you out of the burning house to demonstrate his sensitive side by stopping long enough to ask, “So how’s your day going?”

Look at it this way ladies, we men are not God’s best work. Erma Bombeck had this comment, “God created man but I could do better.” I have a feeling most of you feel the same way because you’re always trying to improve us. There’s only a couple of ways your message is ever going to get through to us, especially if we’re watching the game. You can either start every conversation with this line, “It really turns me on when you…” or just throw your bra at us. If neither of those work you better check for vital signs because he might be dead or gay.

©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content


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3 Responses to “Talking to a man is like trying to saddle a cow. You work like hell but what’s the point?” (Gladys Upham)

  1. Russ Nesseth says:

    If a man says something that his wife doesn’t hear, is he still wrong?

  2. kcsuz says:

    Brilliant~! For the majority, yes…why is it women want to change men? Listen to me…etc.

    I’m glad I fall into that minority.

  3. Andrea says:

    Funny & True! But I’m thinking some of these things really aren’t so much of a gender issue. I too am afflicted with poor listening skills when anyone is babbling on excessively, but am very attentive when a conversation starts with, “it turns me on when you…”

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