When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me
Will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four?
I never thought I would live long enough to ask this question but since I just turned 63 today, maybe it’s time. It’s not that I’m worried about being taken care of for the rest of my life but it does make me wonder about the future. I think we all have to do more as we get older so I resolved to make this day as memorable as possible. Would you like to hear how it went? Well you’re going to anyway so never mind.I was just being polite.
I started the festivities on Saturday because I had the day off and the house to myself. I was really tired after 40 hours on the road this week so I slept late, like 7:30 am. After lunch and a walk with the dog I decided it was time to finish up all my weekly paperwork before the basketball game came on. I was still pretty tired so I pulled a Mountain Dew Kickstart out of the fridge and poured it over a glass of vodka and ice. About that time my son called and I made the mistake of mentioning my amazing new concoction. Apparently, I was not the inventor and moreover mixing energy drinks and vodka is somewhat frowned upon in polite circles. Who knew? I got my paperwork done in record time so I figure people in polite circles are just wimps.
On Sunday morning my son called again to regale me with the tale of his first 911 call as a first-time father. His 2 year old daughter had asked to use the potty by herself and Thomas eagerly agreed to her request. A few minutes later Verity exited the bathroom wearing the training seat on her head. Thomas did the manly thing and tried his best to get it off but nothing worked. She wasn’t in any real pain or danger but at some point in the future she would probably need it removed so they could take her places. At this point, mom and dad made the big decision to call 911 and plead parental ignorance. As they waited for the fire department to arrive, Thomas hid his baseball cap with the Garmin logo on it so he wouldn’t have to explain how someone who works in avionics engineering at Garmin was defeated by a plastic toilet seat. I don’t think it required the jaws-of-life tool but they did have to cut it off. I laughed continuously as he retold the saga. Now I’m one up on him because I never had to call 911. What a great day!
So then today, everything just got even better. My first call this morning was a cancellation of my one and only drive for the day. I haven’t had a day off for my birthday in forever so imagine my joy. I took the dog out for a good long walk, came home and cleaned the kitchen floor and then vacuumed the whole house. (It was my birthday, I’m not the King) During the walk I found an abandoned scooter in the park. It seemed like just the ticket to making my walk easier, just let the dog pull me around. Good plan, poor execution. I didn’t find any explicit directions that precluded certain weight limits but it was made in China so I should have known better. As the dog tried his best to drag me along it became clear that scooter was a misnomer. Plan B was just toss the scooter in the bushes and act like nothing happened. I was good at that.
After my household chores I headed out to do some shopping. I went to the liquor store because everything was on sale. OK – truth be told everything is always on sale at the liquor store but you ladies use that same reasoning all the time so today it was my turn. Clearly, alcohol is more of a necessity than jewelry so you can all keep quiet now. Then I stopped in at Walmart for some new peeing glasses. My last pair of 3x readers finally broke so it was pretty urgent. I call these glasses my morale goggles. Whenever I need a boost to my ego I put them on when I use the bathroom. Instant cure for a bad day. Just a warning though, don’t try them with any other activity. I never want to see my 3x face in the mirror. I tried them once while reading a text message. It turns out amplified emojis are freaking scary. Whoever thought those were a good idea? Kind of the 21st century version of petroglyphs. It’s a word children, look it up. It means prehistoric rock carvings. At least petroglyphs required a fair amount of talent, emojis are just lazy.
But I digress. Oh look, a squirrel! But seriously, I can remember when being 63 was like being dead. I never imagined what my life would be like at this age and frankly I still can’t. I still like the same loud music, I still enjoy a drink now and then and I still look forward to each new day no matter what comes next. I guess I’ll just keep going till someone asks me to stop. So, with all due respect to Lennon and McCartney, let me just ask this once and for all – “Will you still need me, will you still read me, when I’m 64?”
©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.