Lately, I have been spending a lot of my free time reading about mental health in order to help me develop better coping skills. In the last 3 years, my coping skills have actually deteriorated to the point that I may not be able to do my job in customer service at the grocery store. At the beginning of the Covid pandemic quite a few people would come to me with a customer service problem and frequently they would thank me profusely for being there, risking my life and taking care of their needs. There seemed to be an awareness then that we were going above and beyond to be helpful and that needed to be recognized and rewarded. That doesn’t happen much anymore.
In 2023, workers in retail and service trades are being treated very poorly by customers who are clearly frustrated with the way business has evolved over the last few years. Prices have increased dramatically, self checkout has become the standard practice, product shortages are constant, home delivery is inconsistent and no one in corporate America seems to be listening even though the word inclusion has become their most popular buzzword. I don’t feel included in any of these dramatic changes and apparently I’m the one who has to figure it all out in a matter of seconds to the satisfaction of every customer. And if I don’t smile enough while I’m doing it then they go to a manager to complain about me. It’s pretty obvious to me that my coping skills need improvement.
The bigger problem is this – how do I do that? In all of my formative years working for my father, he was constantly reminding me that I had to solve problems the first time they happened not the second or the third. In his mind, letting a problem persist was sheer stupidity. Therefore, we spent lots of time figuring stuff out to make it work better so that it would never happen again. That was how I operated for the first 50 years of my life, when I worked in the family business. Since I closed the business in 2003, that problem solving ability has clearly declined, mostly because I am in no position to make the necessary decisions that actually solve the real problem. I just have to find work arounds and hope somebody much higher up the corporate ladder has made that problem their priority. For someone like me, that’s extremely hard.
Einstein is famous for this quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” I can’t count how many times a day that happens to me now. I have no expectation of ever solving a problem. The best I can hope for is temporary relief. This doesn’t make me feel good about anything I do in my work and that’s why I’m searching for ways to cope better.
In the process of solving my own personal problem, I came across an article about cognitive dissonance and our innate need for aligning our personal values with our thoughts and experiences. Virtually everything in that article described my currrent situation and how much the pandemic added to the likelihood that I would experience it. I am asked to do things every day that do not align with my values. I prefer to do things that make people happy. My job feels more like damage control than customer service. The last person who thanked me was a little old lady who had just cashed out her $200 lottery ticket. I can’t really take credit for that one. Her daughter took our picture as I paid out her winnings. I was happy for her but then the next person told me I needed to fix all of our electric carts because none of them were working and her mother wasn’t ever going to shop here again if I didn’t figure it out right now. As she was glaring at me, my good friend Ralph was driving up behind her with a fully functioning electric cart. Ralph is getting cookies today for that moment of happiness. I even smiled a little bit.
As a society today, we have a huge problem. The disconnect that exists between our values and our actions is astonishing to me and this works both ways. We cannot continue down a path where we are constantly trying to rationalize behavior that is inconsistent with our values. Customers and workers alike need respect and to be treated fairly by those who make all the critical decisions. It’s not enough to issue vague platitudes about being inclusive and then pit us against each other in some inept attempt at customer service. We want to help our customers because we don’t enjoy being castigated for things we have no control over. Customers want to be treated with respect because they’re paying for us to be here. Clearly, the greater good is self-evident. We should align our values with our actions and a lot of what ails society could get better over time. The Golden Rule has been preached in every culture for thousands of years. Maybe now would be a good time to practice what we preach.
As for me, I seriously have to ask myself if I can keep doing what I’m doing. My values are so far removed from my actions that I am in a constant battle with myself mentally and that stress is seeping over into my physical well being. So much so that I’m making more dumb mistakes and feeling bad about them even after I leave work. The truth is that I haven’t had a job in 20 years that I felt good about. That’s not to say that there haven’t been good days but the overall experience of working in foster care and retail has been overwhelmingly negative because it feels so hopeless.
On the other hand, I’m not ready to retire. That isn’t something I’m looking forward to ever. The things I value require actions. Writing this blog has been the greatest stress reliever of all time for me these last 14 years. I get to contemplate everything about life very deeply. I get to laugh at my own foolishness by telling funny stories. I get to hear from people all over the world who found me and shared a moment with me. And I get to vent some of my frustrations in a mostly positive way. Unfortunately, blogging doesn’t pay the bills.
The good news is a little bakery just opened a mile from my house. I think I’m going to offer them my cookie recipes and see how that goes. If I can prove to them that my cookies are just that good, then maybe they would want to hire me. Even that much hopefulness might make a huge difference in my life and I know for sure that selling cookies all day would completely align with my values. I am beginning to see more clearly now. All of your prayers for me to continue on that path would be greatly appreciated.
©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2023. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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I am praying for you so that your cookie business becomes a success and I can purchase some for myself!
One person can only throw so many Stranded Starfish back into the sea, Brother; when someone else can continue to drain the sea-Cookies give you the opportunity to not only personally uplift others; but provide a “Happiness Vehicle” for others to repeatedly do the same:
1. Stop & see “Guy” @ cookie shop-4 Tasty Tidbits personally delivered w/ personally crafted Uplifting Sagely (verbal) Tidbits that make their day
2. Provide them w/ ability to get your “Baker’s Dozen” (13th cookie) for each to go share w/ others-throughout their day & send others to do likewise.
Never knew you were so gifted at marketing too.
Not that it’s an answer, but more an alignment of sorts.
I realized, at one point, that I was more of a liability to the restaurant I worked for than an asset. I had long been able to manage the customer’s wants and needs with what we were able to do for them. When their indignation and inflexible attitude confirmed for me that the customer is not always right and I was losing my ability to cope and serve, I knew it was time for an exit.
Public service is tough. Or it ends up being that way when it seems we are tasked with satisfying every whim and wish. If it’s time to go it’s time to go.
That’s exactly how I’m feeling now. Nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way.
It’s easier to cut someone off if it’s your company and your business and your understanding of the limits of what you can (or are willing) to do. It’s tougher when you work for someone else because you never are quite sure when being the face of “the company”.
Good luck on wrangling this one. It’s a toughie.
You matter, Guy. You make a difference every single day.