“All is well.” (Kevin Bacon)

In my current job in customer service at the grocery store, I get to spend my days answering every imaginable question people can concoct. Sometimes, like this last week, I get to answer two or three questions at the same time. If you had been in my store this week, you would have seen me with the phone perched on my shoulder, bending over my cash register or computer and answering questions from customers on the other side of the counter, simultaneously. I could easily win a multi-tasking Olympics for seniors. I could probably beat the younger generation too because they just melt down in the face of sheer panic like we’re having now because of the pandemic fear associated with the modern version of the plague.

In the last three days of my job, I have repeatedly taken calls from my fellow Americans desperately seeking toilet paper and hand-sanitizer. By my estimation, we have now sold enough toilet paper to last approximately two years and enough food to last two weeks. I think my fellow Americans aren’t so good at math. Without the latter, the former isn’t all that necessary but I doubt that I would have much luck explaining that equation. Now, to be fair, we have had a lot of calls asking if we still have food but almost no one has a place to keep even two months worth of food. Hence, the problem.

I am all for being prepared. My three years as a Boy Scout taught me that lesson but it also taught me how to poop in the woods, if necessary. (And how to avoid poison ivy in the process.) Of course, that was in the sixties when I was also still using an outhouse in Minnesota, at my grandparents place. My grandpa was a huge fan of Montgomery Wards, especially their catalog and all of his outhouses had a catalog which could easily be used in an emergency, like today. I’m just saying, there are alternatives to this crisis. And no, I’m not suggesting we build outhouses again or we bring back the Monkey Wards catalog, as my grandpa always called it.

What I am saying is that panic is never a good thing. What is a good thing is washing our hands, ALL THE TIME. To this day, I am amazed at the number of people who do not practice good hygiene and this, sadly, is the price we pay for our lackadaisical behavior.

As I chased my tail around the counter at customer service this week I came to the realization that I was reliving the classic scene from the end of Animal House where Kevin Bacon valiantly tries to stop the panic. Luckily, someone much braver than I took the time to risk a copyright lawsuit and posted this clip on YouTube. Here it is in all it’s glory, so please let’s all try to remember, we will get through this together.

©Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com, 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Guy R. Horst and grhgraph.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.